Humpty Dumpty Pantomime Script by Alan P Frayn, Stage Right Creative

Funny, original, award-winning pantomime scripts
by Alan P Frayn
“I cannot remember using so many superlatives to describe one show” (The Stage)

“Exceptionally inventive – a panto that has everything!” (Amateur Stage Magazine)
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Humpty Dumpty

Re-invented for the modern era, this “egg-shell-ent” script has definitely got the “eggs-factor”!

It’s “yolks” all the way in this brand new adaptation of the nursery rhyme favourite, starring our all-round good egg, Humpty Dumpty!

The audience will soon be coming out of their shells and laughing their heads off at the hilarious antics of a host of zany characters … and they won’t need egging on to join in the fun!

This “egg-ceptional” script promises bigger laughs, more unusual scenes and a much stronger underlying story than is the norm for this title.

So get cracking with this “egg-citing” new panto and one thing’s for sure … you won’t have egg on your faces!

Full cast and scenery requirements are listed below

Many productions of this script have won NODA and drama federation “Best Pantomime” awards!

"...Humpty Dumpty by Alan P Frayn is a new panto story for me.  Not to worry, however, Alan not only provides an egg cellent script, but also complete staging and production notes in one neat A4 book.  This is a pun-filled egg-stordinarily funny script which will, I’m sure, provide much fun in rehearsal AND performance.  There are even suggestions for pre-songsheet interplay, a jolly helpful intro and an extremely comprehensive music suggestions list – what more could we ask for?  (Amateur Stage Magazine)
humpty dumpty
Urmston Musical Theatre
humpty dumpty
Urmston Musical Theatre
EXCERPT from Act I Scene 1: The Village of Over-Eggingham © Alan P Frayn
TOPSY: Oh, no!  I’ve broken the egg!
HUMPTY: (Getting up) Thanks!
TOPSY: What do you mean, “Thanks”?  Now I’ve got egg on my face!
HUMPTY: (Wiping Topsy’s face) Oh, sorry!
TOPSY: No, I mean I’ve caused a terrible accident!
HUMPTY: Don’t worry – I’ve been waiting ages for this to happen.
TOPSY: Wow – you must be tired!
HUMPTY: Shattered!
TOPSY: (Looking around at the shards of broken shell) Yes, I see what you mean! … And I bet you’re hungry too, aren’t you?
HUMPTY: Starving!  I wish I had something to eat!
(Magical SFX as the FAIRY enters DSR in pink spot carrying a sandwich on a plate.)
FAIRY: It’s been a long wait, but you’re finally free,
Now here’s “something to eat” – that’s your wish number three!
HUMPTY: My wishes!  I’d forgotten all about them!  Have they been waiting for me all this time?
FAIRY: Of course – but you must be careful not to waste them like this.
(HUMPTY takes the sandwich and the FAIRY exits SR.)
TOPSY: Hey, that’s an egg sandwich – it might be a relation of yours!
(DITSY and DAISY enter DSR as the KING and PRINCESS enter DSL.)
PRINCESS: Oh, no!  The egg has fallen off the wall!
DAISY: It’s the end on an era.
DITSY: It’s the end of our business!
KING: It’s the end of my kingdom!
TOPSY: Something tells me it’s the end of my pocket money!
HUMPTY: What’s the problem?  I think it’s egg-shell-ent!
TOPSY: Oh, you are a numpty, Humpty Dumpty!
PRINCESS: Just a minute, Father – your Men could probably put Humpty together again.
KING: Call the King’s Men!
TOPSY: Oh, good – I do like soldiers with my egg!
(GENERAL MAYHEM and REGGIE MENTAL march on SL and halt DSC.)
GENERAL: (Like a military command:) Squad, mend … the egg!
  (The GENERAL and REGGIE pick up some of the shards of broken eggshell.)
REGGIE: I never was much good at jigsaws!
GENERAL: It’s best to start with the “edge pieces”.
REGGIE: I know, but I can only find “egg pieces”!
KING: Stupid men!  How about my horses?  Perhaps they’d be able to do it?
GENERAL: Hey, Reggie – where’s our horses?
REGGIE: Well, mine’s in the stables.
GENERAL: But did you call the blacksmith after I told you to take mine out and have him shod?
REGGIE: Oh, no!  I thought you said, “Take him out and have him shot”!
HUMPTY DUMPTY: A young man who gets encapsulated in an eggshell by the baddie.  Once the egg breaks, he portrays a naive youth. (Male)
DITSY DITHER: Pantomime Dame, an egg farmer. (Obviously, best played by a man)
TOPSY-TURVY: Ditsy’s daft son. (Male)
UPSY-DAISY: Ditsy’s bright daughter. (Female)
KING EGBERT: Typical King character. (Male)
PRINCESS PETAL: Typical Princess character. (Female)
The “King’s Men”, typical panto-style comedy twosome. (Male, or either can be female)
FAIRY SOUFFLÉ: An all-round good egg! (Female)
EGG-NOG, THE BAD: A bad egg.  Our tongue-in-cheek baddie.  (Male)
MARMEDUKE: A pantomime horse – one of the “King’s Horses”.
CHORUS: Villagers/Tourists
Nursery Rhyme Land Folk
Space Travellers/Creatures
Circus Folk/Clowns
Courtiers of the Royal Palace
DANCERS: Featured in musical numbers as desired.
Scenes  (Notes on simplified scenery are also included in the script)
Prologue: Cloud Cuckoo Land (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 1 : The Village of Over-Eggingham (Full stage village scene)
Scene 2 : Fools but Only One Horse! (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 3 : Nursery Rhyme Land (Full stage fantasy scene)
Scene 4 : Keep Your Hat On! (Front of Tabs or front cloth)
Scene 5 : Reach for the Stars (Full stage space scene)
Scene 1 : Join the Circus (Full stage circus scene – inside the big top)
Scene 2 : Inside the Palace (Full stage palace scene)
Scene 3 : The Royal Kitchens (Half-stage with front cloth or MS Tabs)
Scene 4 : Down in the Dungeons (Tabs inset scene)
Scene 5 : Back in the Village (Full stage, as Act I Scene 1)
Scene 6 : Time Out with Topsy (Front of Tabs)
Scene 7 : All’s Well that Ends Well (Probably as Act II Scene 2)

“…The panto went brilliantly and was very well received, with great feedback. Your script was appreciated by all, being so well written. So, thanks Alan for your support and the supply of pyros. A great show and script – very much appreciated!”

The Court Players


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